Remembering A Father

Old Spice cologne did not make it into my shopping cart this week. There were no trips to Hallmark in search of the perfect card. A Sunday afternoon drive to Mt. Dora did not occur. Another Father’s Day is here but a father is absent. Will it really be 17 years this September? A dull ache remains. So do the memories.

I remember a trip to the beach, even though the beach was not his favorite place, nor was it convenient to go. He taught me the importance of keeping promises.

I recall countless afternoons spent riding around in his pick up truck. He modeled the value of “being” and not always “doing.”

He helped me create homemade candles to give away as presents, showing me the significance of using my talents to serve others.

He participated in “Take Your Daughter to Work Day” long before it became popular. Talking with customers and taking trips to the lumber yard and hardware store; he taught me the importance of hard work, relationships and discipline.

All of my memories are not fond ones though. He wasn’t a perfect father. Like each of us, he missed the mark more than once. But, I believe he did the best he could.

I wonder. What memories do you have of your father? Whether good or bad, he taught you. Maybe the lessons were ones you don’t care to impart to future generations. Maybe you don’t appreciate, as singer- songwriter Marc Cohn says, the things (he) handed down. Or, perhaps his life is one you wish to pass on to your children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews or students.

How did you spend Father’s Day? Was it a celebration of a man you love or a painful reminder of what you lost or maybe never had? Whatever the case, I know of another Father who will never leave you or let you down. His Patience, His Parenting, His Love is perfect. Earthly fathers may fail us. He will not.

See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!
1 John 3:1 (NLT)

We Have A Winner!

Congratulations to Evelyn of Orlando, FL! She is the winner of Keri Wyatt Kent's latest book, "Rest: Living In Sabbath Simplicity." Evelyn's name was drawn at random from a hat (actually, the palm of my hand) containing the names of everyone who posted a comment on the Life Matter's blog last month.

Thanks to everyone who read the blog and/or posted a comment. I encourage you to checkout Keri's book!

Grace & Peace!

Mary

Special Guest: Author, Keri Wyatt Kent

I'm honored to have seasoned author, Keri Wyatt Kent, as a guest on Life Matters today. If you've shared any air space with me during the past few months, no doubt you've heard me praise Keri's latest book, "REST: Living in Sabbath Simplicity."

Keri invites, inspires and encourages us to do the unthinkable in today's culture: REST! Her words have caused me to think (and re-think) how I spend my time. This well-written, easy to read book on the Sabbath, weaves history, story telling and application all into a practical "How To" book on "rest." This should be required reading for...everyone (especially those who don't have time to read it)!

Today, I'm giving away a FREE copy of Keri's book! So, read on...

Keri, "sabbath" and "rest" seem like foreign words. What is Sabbath, and what is its purpose? What do you mean by Sabbath Simplicity?

Sabbath, first and foremost, is a gift from our loving God. He invites us to take a day to rest from our labor, so that we might engage in relationship with him and with others. Its purpose is to refresh us physically and spiritually, to celebrate our freedom, to draw us close to God, and yet to remind us that we are not God.

God commanded us to Sabbath, to stop. But Sabbath-keeping is also a spiritual practice or discipline. All disciplines, (like prayer, solitude, etc.) create some space for God in our lives. Just as we have a lot of latitude in other practices (we can pray any number of ways, for example), we have freedom in how we practice Sabbath. My book offers a lot of ideas, and real-life examples, of how to approach this life-giving practice.

Sabbath Simplicity is a sanely-paced, God-focused life. It’s a lifestyle that includes the practice of Sabbath-keeping, but goes beyond just taking a day off. IN a way, it’s living out what Jesus told us to do in Matthew 6:33: See first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Sabbath Simplicity seeks God first.

You're the parent of a 12 and 14 year old. What does Sabbath look like for them? Do you restrict their activities on Sundays?

I have never legislated Sabbath for anyone else in my home. My kids have freedom that day to rest or to play or whatever. They know that I am available to listen or to talk. Sometimes we will play a board game, go for a bike ride or a walk.

My daughter has played soccer for ten years, and she sometimes has games on Sunday. But we are never running from one game to the next, or from the game to the grocery store because she is not in more than one sport at a time. (so in that way, we do restrict—they can do one sport and one artistic pursuit at a time, no more). But the restriction is not just a Sabbath thing, it’s a lifestyle thing.

We sometimes have friends over for a meal, or the kids have friends over. Those kids often remark—your house is so peaceful. I think Sabbath is a day to extend hospitality—but not in a stressful way.

My son is more introverted, so sometimes his Sundays provide him the freedom to just spend time alone, playing Legos or reading or drawing. My daughter is more extroverted, so she often spends time with friends. Her youth group meets during the 11:15 a.m. service at church, and from there they go to “house groups” which are a meal and group time. So a big part of her Sunday is spent in community with other students from our church.

Why did you start the practice of Sabbath? Why did you decide to observe it? How has your life and your family changed as a result?
Sundays in my house when I was growing up were mostly a relaxing family day, even though we didn’t call it Sabbath. But when I had my own family, I found myself getting very busy—not just with kids’ stuff but also getting over-involved at church. I tend to have a work-a-holic approach to life. When the kids were small, God brought a couple of books that mentioned Sabbath across my path. The idea of Sabbath stirred a longing in my soul, which is one way God speaks to us, through our deep desires. So I started, on my own, to set aside my normal work. It was very gradual, and it took my family a while to even notice. It’s a mysterious practice, in a way, because to “do” it, you have to stop doing. It is simply resting—and yet it brings you into the presence of God. It’s been a profound part of my spiritual journey. And my children know that Sunday is a peaceful day at our house. They also have learned that I am available to play, to listen, to cuddle. It’s given us a day for quality time, and I think it’s helped me be a better parent. It also silently affirms to my children, you are loved, apart from your accomplishments. It is okay to just be.

Finally, how did you balance busy Sundays full of soccer games and other activities with the practice of Sabbath? What advice do you have for parents trying to juggle hectic schedules? What about parents of small children?

While we sometimes have a soccer game, we don’t have other things, because we’ve placed limits on our activities. So we don’t have busy Sundays. My son has often opted not to be in sports, but this year, played football. Thankfully, his games are on Saturday.

Advice: Let your kids pick one sport plus one other activity (say, piano lessons) at a time. An important life lesson you need to teach your children: delayed gratification. You can’t have it all, all at once. You can try lots of different sports, one at a time. The more kids you have, the more crucial this is. Four kids in two sports each often translates into eight games per weekend, not to mention a least a dozen practices per week. Choose sanity.

Schedule housework and errands for weekdays, so if you do have sports, you’re not trying to squeeze in other work around games.

Keri, thanks so much for visiting and telling us about REST: Living in Sabbath Simplicity. Readers, if you would like to be entered in a drawing to win a copy of Keri's book, leave a comment on this post. I'll select a winner at the end of this month.


Rest: Living in Sabbath Simplicity is available at bookstores everywhere, and on-line. Click here to purchase it from amazon.com or christianbook.com.

http://www.amazon.com/Rest-Simplicity-Keri-Wyatt-Kent/dp/0310285976/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1229546292&sr=8-1

http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?item_no=285977&netp_id=550382&event=ESRCN&item_code=WW&view=covers

Inaugural Ride

By Mary DeMent

Three year-old David eyed the bike. A few neighborhood boys had stopped by to play with his older brother, Sam. Hunter dropped his training wheel-free bike near the road. David watched Hunter run off. He looked at the bike and glanced back at Hunter, twice. Then, David seized his opportunity. He carefully approached the bike, still on the lookout for Hunter's return and began mounting.

"He's going to ride that thing!" I motioned to the other moms gathered. I ran down to the road and held the back of the seat. David began to peddle. I jogged a few steps. Waving me off, he said, "Let go, Mom. I got it!" And off he rode! Three years old. No helmet. No shoes. Not even a shirt, I'm afraid to say! After passing several houses, he lost balance and hit the pavement. Helping him up I asked if he was okay. He said, "Yep! Now I'm going to ride Hunter's bike back to him!"

I could learn a lot from David in the "seizing opportunities" arena. Sometimes, you just have to "go for it!" In the best (and safest) circumstances, you plan, you prepare, you organize, you equip, THEN you execute. If I knew David’s inaugural ride was coming, I would have told him, "Wait! Let me get your helmet, shoes and shirt! Hold up! Not yet. I need the video camera and someone to snap a photo of your first ride without training wheels." But sometimes, the crucial life moments won't wait for a video shoot.

Obeying Mom’s prior instructions on bike safety would have ensured David’s well-being. Rules are created for our protection. Helmets prevent concussions. Clothing and other padding, shields our bodies from scrapes and bruises. David possessed none of the above yet managed to escape injury…this time.

I pray that David’s athletic aptitude pervades other areas of life. May he be a quick learner, not just when it comes to balancing a bike, jumping a ramp or smacking a ball down the third base line. May David’s knowledge go beyond biking and ball fields. I pray David learns how to balance the game of life.

God gave David a thrill-seeking nature. But, he also gave him a cautious and caring mother. We both have a lot to learn.

“My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight; they will be an ornament to grace your neck. Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble…” (Proverbs 3: 21-23 NIV).

Signs and Wonders

By Mary DeMent

While driving last week, my eyes caught sight of a familiar sign. It was white with black lettering. You’ve seen similar signs peppered across intersections, highways and even country roads. Like other signs, it was posted to get my attention. But it wasn’t addressing my speed, a school zone or a change in traffic flow. Nor was it alerting me to a no-parking zone or an unlawful u-turn area. This sign was small and round with two simple words. Down below those two words, in smaller print, read: “In Memory Of” and it listed a girl’s name. Those words altered my driving (and my thoughts) for the afternoon. The small, white, round sign, covered in a circle of flowers, simply said, “Drive Carefully.” But, those two words said much more to passersby.

The sign said, “My loved one died here, in this very spot, due to someone’s driving negligence or maybe it was an accident. Regardless, the cause of death involved a vehicle much like your own, so please, drive carefully.

As I passed, I paused. And I prayed. I paused to think of that girl or woman who lost her life. Breathing one moment, on her way…somewhere. Then, a screech, a crash, mangled steel and her trip, her life, over. I prayed for her family. I prayed I would heed their request.

I remembered Andy, my former neighbor. A fence separated our backyards. He loved growing things, all kinds of things. And Andy loved fireworks. He would shoot them off on holidays, on weekdays, any day, any hour. One day, the plants stopped growing. The noise ceased. Shortly after, a sign appeared near our house. A round sign, covered with flowers and Andy’s name.

I thought about the reckless ways I’ve seen people drive. I thought about the reckless ways I’ve seen people live. I wondered how we would respond if the roads we traveled were decorated with signs that read, “LIVE CAREFULLY.” Would we obey those traffic signs? Would flashing lights follow if we failed to observe the warning? I wonder.

Sometimes, “flashing lights” do follow. They are called, “consequences.” Touch a hot stove; receive a burn. Jump off a tall building; break a bone. Talk to me before my first cup of coffee; receive a blank stare. A friend who teaches troubled youth often tells “her” boys, “You can choose your actions, but you can’t always choose your consequences.”

Occasionally, though, we escape consequences (or so we think). An ancient text says this, “As I have observed, those who plow evil and those who sow trouble reap it” (Job 4:8 NIV). The author of Hebrews writes, “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account” Hebrews 4:13 NIV).

Let’s live carefully. Ready to give an account for our lives, ready to be investigated, ready to help others join us in living life carefully. Such lives can be signs many will notice as they see us, watch us, hear us, or live right beside us.

Rough Draft

This day is different. Unique. It isn’t yesterday. It isn’t tomorrow. It is today. Right now. Today is in front of us, staring us down. Tomorrow it will be behind us, never returning. Time. How do you spend yours? As I write this in the early morning hours, two of my boys are near me…snoring. Up early but now crashed on the couch. My two other children are still snuggled in bed. And their father has already left for work.

The refrigerator hums to me. The laptop light nearly blinds me. Birds sing to me. They do their dance from branch to branch. No cares. No bills. No teenagers. No worries. They chat, taunt a prowling cat and fly through my backyard and their life with ease. Must be nice, I smirk.

This month is new. This year is new. Both untouched: Clean slates for us to write upon. Using the same pen but brand new paper. Will we continue our current novel or send it to the scrap heap? What adjustments are needed? Are we willing to make them?

Will we trust the Editor with our manuscripts? Ask for assistance? Be secure with His modifications? Like most editors, the Master Editor reviews our text for needed changes. Editors insert or delete commas and periods, change tenses, delete entire paragraphs, sometimes removing the article’s original point. They change everything! Our job is to write. And, submit. Have you submitted your manuscript, your ideas, your life to the Master Editor for polishing, suggestions, and improvements? Are you prepared to yield to His changes?

Our lives are only rough drafts. Here on earth, we write and rewrite. Learn the craft, learn to accept rejection letters and hopefully, improve our skills. We polish. We refine. In heaven, we read the manuscript with new eyes, enjoying the changes, remembering the journey that finally made our book, our life, into the best seller it was designed to be. Number one on the charts.

The next page of life begins with today. Driving to work, doing the laundry, teaching children or searching for a job. Dealing with a difficult co-worker, mounting bills or a troubled child or spouse. Life isn’t always smooth but remember, conflict keeps the story line interesting (unless of course you’re the one living it!).

Meet with your Editor often. Submit proposals, pray for wisdom, welcome suggestions and make needed changes.

Now, pick up the pen.

"This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it" (Psalm 118:24 NIV).

Hop On My Harley Baby Jesus!

By Mary DeMent

Recently, I bumped into a lady from church at Wal-Mart. While talking on her cell phone, she paused to say hello. Hurried and discouraged she said, “I’ve just been to three stores and I can’t find anything with “Jesus” written on it! I guess I’ll just have to make it myself,” she resolved. Later that night, my sister-in-law called and voiced similar concerns. Annoyed, she blurted, “Where are the manger scenes? I see Santa Claus, reindeer, snowmen, even penguins but I can’t locate a decent manger scene!”

As I listened to her frustrations, my two year-old son played near my feet. He clutched his toy motorcycle. Down on all fours, he raced it around and around on the floor, zigzagging multiple toys, crashing into others. When he came upon the Fisher Price manger scene, he revved the engine. “Vrmm! Vrmm! Vrmm!” Next, without hesitation, he ramped the motorcycle up and over the manger. I chuckled, while thinking, “no room in the Inn? Hop on board my Harley, Baby Jesus!”

I laughed. Then my thoughts turned serious. If we don’t make room for Jesus in our stores, in our homes and in our lives, who will? I listen to the Christmas story and find it difficult to believe that no one could arrange room in the inn for these exhausted, young travelers. The trip from Nazareth to Bethlehem was no hop, skip and jump. I’m certain their clothes and demeanors showed wear from the extensive journey. Yet, no one would allow Mary and Joseph into their cozy room. Granted, those door closers didn’t fully comprehend that God’s Son, a future King, the future Savior of the world snuggled inside Mary’s womb. Regardless, an enormously pregnant, weary, teenager stood outside the door needing a place to stay, not to recharge her iPod and cell, not to rest, but to labor, to deliver a baby. Still, no offers? No one had a bed they could give up for the night? Not even a cot, a piece of the floor, nothing?

Right in the middle of my judgmental moment, I paused. Am I any different? How much room am I willing to give Jesus and those He died for? Is my welcome mat out and inviting? Or, is a “Do Not Disturb” sign hanging on the door of my life? How much of my time and energy do I offer Him, others? If I don’t prepare a meal, dry a tear, or slow down enough to see or hear the needs of those around me, who will?

“While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn” (Luke 2:6-7 NIV).

“While they were there.” I wonder. Who has God sent into our individual areas, our neighborhoods, our work places, our shopping centers, our homes? They may not be registering for the census or delivering a baby, but I believe God has placed them along our paths. So, I encourage us: Let’s make room.